How To Choose A Partner Wisely
How To Choose A Partner Wisely
How To Choose A Partner Wisely
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How To Choose A Partner Wisely - The School of Life

The School of Life
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The School of Life is both a You Tube channel and a real-life school (for adults) devoted to emotional education and located in 10 campuses around the world. We address the questions we're never taught enough about at regular school or college: How can relationships go well? What is meaningful work? How can love last? How can one find calm? What's gone wrong (and right) with capitalism? We love the humanities, especially philosophy, psychotherapy, literature and art - always going to them in search of ideas that are thought-provoking, useful and consoling. We're about wisdom, emotional intelligence and self-understanding. We publish two films a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 14.00hrs GMT.

Video description
We’re given very little guidance on how to choose our partners and tend to leave it to that mysterious force we know as ‘instinct’. However, it truly pays to be a little more rational in this area and work out how our instincts operate and why they push us towards some people and away from others.  If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide):  https://goo.gl/lLmtDZ
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FURTHER READING
“How do we choose the people we fall in love with? The Romantic answer is that our instincts naturally guide us to individuals who are kind and good for us. Love is a sort of ecstasy that descends when we feel ourselves in the presence of a benign and nourishing soul, who will answer our emotional needs, understand our sadness and strengthen us for the hard tasks of our lives. In order to locate our lover, we must let our instincts carry us along, taking care never to impede them through pedantic psychological analysis and introspection or else considerations of status, wealth or lineage. Our feelings will tell us clearly enough when we have reached our destiny. To ask someone with any degree of rigour why exactly they have chosen a particular partner is – in the Romantic world-view – simply an unnecessary and offensive misunderstanding of love: true love is an instinct that accurately and naturally settles on those with a capacity to make us happy.…”
You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/lLmtDZ


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Why Only the Happily Single Find True Love

One of the key requirements for having a good chance of finding the right partner is not to mind too much being single. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/rgpEkK Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/cCR4oi FURTHER READING “One of the most important principles for choosing a lover sensibly is not to feel in any hurry to make a choice. Being satisfied with being single is a precondition of satisfactory coupledom. We cannot choose wisely when remaining single feels unbearable. We have to be...

Stay in - or Leave - a Relationship?

Should you stay or leave a relationship? Here’s a checklist of questions to ask oneself before heading out too quickly - or too slowly. If you like our films take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): http://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/most-popular-1/?utm_source=You%20Tube&utm_medium=Video%20description&utm_campaign=YT%20video%20description%20most%20popular Brought to you by http://www.theschooloflife.com Produced in collaboration with Andrew Foerster & Joren Cull http://www.rewfoe.com/ Illustration by Joren Cull http://jorenmania.com/

Why, how & when to Flirt

Flirting is an art that deserves to be far more widely known and far more often practiced. Here is a short guide.  If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/bGv5xW    Join our exclusive mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/U6Fxds   FURTHER READING Flirting has a bad name. Too often, it seems a supreme form of duplicity, a sly attempt to excite another person and derive gratification from their interest without any corresponding wish to go to bed with them. It looks like a manipulative promise of sexual affection...

How to Get Over Someone

Getting over someone begins with the need to realise that there are curious pleasures available from NOT getting over them… If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/m8ngkA Join our exclusive mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/Hq9DH8 FURTHER READING “We tend to be generous towards people who can’t get over someone. It sounds Romantic, if a little sad. The love affair happened a year ago now, but still the ex’s thoughts remain loyal to every detail of the story. Maybe they’ve moved to another country, perhaps...

The person you really need to marry | Tracy McMillan | TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen

Never miss a talk! SUBSCRIBE to the TEDx channel: http://bit.ly/1FAg8hB Tracy McMillan is a television writer (Mad Men, United States of Tara) and relationship author who wrote the book Why You're Not Married...Yet, based on her viral 2011 Huffington Post blog. She also appeared as a dating coach on the NBC reality show Ready For Love. She lives in Los Angeles and is the mother of a 16-year-old guy. In her TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen talk, McMillan answers the question: "Who is the one person you need to marry in order to have a successful relationship? (Yourself)" About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the...

Why Love Is Never As Nice As It Should Be

Our relationships are often not quite as warm and perfect as they should be. That’s perhaps because we’re comparing them with a relationship in the past to which they shouldn’t – in fairness – ever be compared. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/kSml4K Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/zBO4YJ FURTHER READING “One way to get a sense of why love should matter so much, why it might be considered close to the meaning of life, is to look at the challenges of...

Why We Go Cold On Our Partners

Going cold on our partners is often a sign not that we have stopped caring, but that we are - somewhere deep down - furious or hurt. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/92v28c Join our exclusive mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/m4ydSk FURTHER READING “The story of the path to coldness in love is well known. We start off full of affection for one another and then – with time – feelings fade. We start prioritising work; we check our phones while they’re speaking;...

How To Seduce Someone With Confidence

The secret of good seduction is not to idealise the person we are trying to get together with. They are – ultimately – still just another human being, whom we would in time get very irritated with if the seduction worked as well as we want. That is a thought to lend us confidence. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/Dzqo4b Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/VFTjds FURTHER READING “We are never as shy and gauche as we are when attempting to seduce someone we deeply...

The Problem with Over-Friendly People

Friendliness is a great virtue. Over-friendliness can be an unexpected problem. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/81j1IR Join our exclusive mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/NT09Ap FURTHER READING “There is a particularly poignant way to be a social disaster: through over-friendliness, a pattern of behaviour driven by the very best of motives which ends up feeling as irritating as outright rudeness. We meet the over-friendly at the office, laughing at the jokes of the senior management; behind the desk at the hotel, wishing Sir or Madam...

How to Seduce Someone on a Date

The clue to good seduction is signalling a realistic yet loving assessment of the other; and a modest, intelligent relationship with one’s own flaws. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/QjHVGL Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/F8pJbO FURTHER READING “On a first date with someone we like, we really want – of course – for the evening to go well. There are many, varied bits of advice in circulation: don’t do all the talking; be funny and light; ask them about themselves; don’t pry; select a small,...

What Nice Men Don’t Say To Nice Women

A lot isn’t expressed between couples because of a fear of not seeming very ‘nice’. That’s deeply unfortunate, and stores up a lot of trouble. We’d be better off daring to be a little more honest. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/9YyHYF FURTHER READING “The nice man has learnt not to say everything; that’s why he seems so nice. There’s a lot going on in his mind that he’s not quite allowing himself to express. He loves you too much: he’d rather be kind than entirely...

How Not to be Boring

No one is ever boring: we just seem boring when we haven’t learnt the surprisingly easy art of being honest about our vulnerabilities. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/Bse6mT Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/HfHoct FURTHER READING “One of our great fears – which haunts us when we go into the world and socialise with others – is that we may, in our hearts, be really rather boring. But the good news, and a fundamental truth too, is that no one is ever...

How to be a Friend to Yourself

The person we may find it hardest to be kind and sympathetic to is, surprisingly, ourselves. Yet being a friend to ourselves provides the only viable basis for living an emotionally fulfilled life. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/1jGTSd Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/qiPTNx FURTHER READING “Polite people have it instilled in them from an early age that they should not talk too much about themselves. A few comments aside, they should – to prove appealing – always ask the other about...

The Problem With The School Of Life

About a few of the problems I have with Alain De Botton's school of life. IMPORTANT EDIT: ----- First, a lot of people have perceived this video as an all out condemnation of the SOL. That is not the purpose of this video. Their videos aren't all bad, and if you get help from them, great! This video was only meant to highlight their mistakes/failings as an organization in order to help people view them more critically. Second, several people have asked for supplemental channels / replacement channels and 雨Jacob 雨 (currently studying philosophy) from the comments supplied...

Why Boys Are Mean To Girls They Like

It can be very hard to keep admitting to yourself and the world that you like someone – when it seems they may not like you. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/1qB7VT FURTHER READING “An enormous amount of trouble in the world – especially at work and in relationships – is caused by a peculiar phenomenon of our minds: a tendency to grow, as we put it, out of touch with our feelings. When we first meet this idea, it sounds strange, and even a bit insulting. How could...

Why We Could Love Anyone

The modern world associates love with finding one very special person in whom to pour all one's affection. But what if a deeper understanding of love amounted to something else: a far more generous universal sort of love? If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/5G6p3I Join our exclusive mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/QA0Brb FURTHER READING “Irrespective of whether you consider Jesus a popular itinerant preacher or the Son of God, there’s a very odd thing about his views on love. He not only spoke a...

Not Liking One's Looks

Many of us inhabit bodies and faces that don’t look as we feel they should. It’s one of the most painful aspects of being human. Here are a few minutes of consolation and wisdom. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/6O8hWZ If you are feeling suicidal there is help out there, the samaritans offer free confidential help: http://bit.ly/2dXF4t1 FURTHER READING “Frustration with one’s appearance is an embarrassing – but, in truth, highly serious and valid – pain. Mature, reasonable people are not supposed to go around regretting their nose or hair....

Why We’re Fated to be Lonely

Loneliness shouldn’t be seen as a strange aberration; it’s a basic feature of life we should make our peace with in good time. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/S0FBYd Join our exclusive mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/bw5Zth FURTHER READING “There are few more shameful confessions to make than that we are lonely. The basic assumption is that no respectable person could ever feel isolated – unless they had just moved country or been widowed. Yet in truth, a high degree of loneliness...

How to Understand Sexiness

What do our turn ons really mean? If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/QWKvUV FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org: https://goo.gl/cyg1xZ MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/TcL5TE Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships Do you speak a different language to English? Did you know you can submit Subtitles on all of our videos on YouTube? For instructions how to do this click here: https://goo.gl/n9Vu1D ...

The Darkest Truth About Love

We're generally hugely upbeat about how relationships might go. But every now and then, we should allow ourselves a glimpse of the darkest realities. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/EeTlnq FURTHER READING You can read more on relasionships, self, philosophy and many other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org: https://goo.gl/bGJdvu MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/fAuGRx More films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist below: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships Do you speak a different language to English? Did you...

Machiavelli’s Advice For Nice Guys

Nice guys too often finish last; they need to read the advice of one of the wisest and most realistic thinkers in the history of philosophy: Niccolo Machiavelli. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/4wNfTn Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/y291G4 FURTHER READING “Our assessment of politicians is torn between hope and disappointment. On the one hand, we have an idealistic idea that a politician should be an upright hero, a man or woman who can breathe new moral life into the...

The Cure for Unrequited Love

The real cruelty of unrequited love is that we don’t get to know our beloveds well enough to find out their flaws – and therefore to lose interest in them gradually. The best cure for love is in essence: get to know them better. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/ebuATx Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/UZach4 FURTHER READING “For intense periods of our lives, we suffer the agony of unrequited love. Our sorrow is accompanied by a certainty that if only the elusive being...

In Defence Of 'Needy' People

We’re used to being very down on so-called ‘needy’ people. But perhaps – in many situations – the problem doesn’t lie so much with the apparently ‘needy’ party, but with the person describing their lover as such. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/PI9M4p Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/fGR4j1 FURTHER READING “The ‘needy’ person is a stock figure of caricature: they call too much, they cry when you leave to get a glass of water, they feel put out when you check...

Who Am I?

What is it that makes us most distinctively ourselves? Our bodies, our memories, our values...? Take a tour through the philosophy of personal identity. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/zSgK7v FURTHER READING You can read more on this and many other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org: https://goo.gl/FGMqVi MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/kV2Tk4 More films on SELF in our playlist below: http://bit.ly/TSOLself Do you speak a different language to English? Did you know you can submit Subtitles on...